My Greatest Fear

La Alberca, Spain

I don’t have the same normal fears as other people: snakes, bugs, dying. Mine is theatre.

I don’t mind getting up in front of people to speak but to act?

That is completely different.

It likely stems from my need to overachieve and I know I am terrible at acting and really anything imaginative. To put myself in the spotlight and fail miserably is my nightmare.

 

 

So when our master of ceremonies at Pueblo Ingles approached me on the penultimate day (that’s second last grammarians) to participate in theatre because EVERYONE else already had, my heart raced.

I told Jez that I needed a bit part and would only do it if he absolutely could not find anyone else, his response?

 

“Great I’m putting you on the list”

 

I had hoped nothing would come of it but the next day before siesta Canadian Debbie pulled me aside to say that she was organizing our play for 8pm. Irish Rhoda, Spaniard Isabel and I would play three drunk girls coming out of a club. Spaniard Jose would play an officer and Canadian Debbie the captain.

You’d think since I’m a bit of a lush this would be easy.

 

Not. At. All.

 

I told Debbie I absolutely could not do it. I wanted a bit part. I did not want to be front and centre. It was siesta time so I frantically looked for Jez, I had to tell him I could not do it. I was completely losing it. My anxiety was soaring and I was upset to be put in a situation. I went back to Debbie to tell her that I could not find Jez but that in no way could I do this.

Kind as always, she told me she would never make me do it and we would figure it out after siesta.

Despite my manic state I was able to sleep for an hour and when I woke I started to feel foolish. Here I was surrounded by all of these people who let down their guards and were completely vulnerable and I ws flipping out about a play.

I ran into Isabel who offered to buy me a gin and tonic while we practiced. In turns out everyone was very nervous and no one had done anything like this. Rhoda confided she wished she had done it at the last Pueblo Ingles she attended.

 

Regret. I didn’t want it. I’ve had enough of it.

 

So we took our drinks up to Rhoda’s villa and practiced and laughed and I had a really good time.

Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

 

In the end we performed. I have no idea if it was funny. I don’t remember how I did. But I had a really good time. And I am so glad I did it.

If I had been in the audience I would have really regretted it.