Toronto, Canada
I know I share a lot on this site, maybe even too much. But I loathe to talk about my love life. The truth is, I dated while I was away but it is impossible to keep something going, especially when you are traveling farther and farther away from that person.
I can’t stay single forever.
Soon after I arrived home people overwhelmingly suggested that I start online dating. I know it’s their way of taking care of me, they are happily married and want the same for me.
But even though I still hadn’t found an apartment apparently I needed to find a boyfriend. Now.
Online dating is fairly common in Toronto, in a city where people are too busy to take a lunch break, online dating is embraced.
I know several couples who met online and openly talk about it. So to get people off my back I joined a free site, I had been on it years ago and met some nice people.
Afte rall I’m trying to jump-start a new life, right?
What I hadn’t realized was that like the city and all my friends, this free site had changed. Nearly everyone who contacted me had XXX in their name.
Really? Who does that?
So finally one nice guy emailed me, or at least he seemed to be nice until he asked me if I was “looking for fun…” Even though it sounded like he was a creep, I asked what he meant. Guess what, he’s just looking for someone to sleep with.
Dude, I have enough men in my life who want to sleep with me but not be my boyfriend. Girls don’t need to go online to find sex.
Seriously that was my response to him. Not surprisingly he didn’t write back.
It wasn’t so bad that he just wanted to hook up. There are certainly sites like that or cheating sites like Ashley Madison.
But the deal breaker was clearly he is so stupid that he doesn’t know women don’t need online dating for sex.
Sigh.
So as I tell my friends this story they laugh, apparently because it’s free you get what you pay for.
And over pints one of my male friends tells me I should at least try some of the for-pay sites, after all it would make a good blog post And with that he suckered me in.
If I really believe in 30-day challenges I should do a 30-day online dating challenge, because really there is nothing to lose. Is 30 days enough time to find a boyfriend?
I have to say this one made me laugh.
I have friends who are married to people they met online, and people for whom it was a complete disaster.
In other words, pretty much like any other way of meeting people.
I am anticipating it being the same, no easier no more difficult.
yes off course i am married .And we meet online and now we are happy family
“Is 30 days enough time to find a boyfriend?” – hmm I don;t know but this single gal who haven’t tried online dating is interested to find out.
So sorry to hear this has been your experience with online dating! How awful! Also, even sadder to hear of the pressure you’re getting from people (granted, people who love you and want good things for you). You’re doing something that hardly anyone does — follow your dreams and explore the world. You may not be in the same place in life as others, but you’ve still managed to accomplish a lot that they haven’t. 30 isn’t the end! Hang in there!
My friends only want the best, I see the humor in it all – they just want me to be happy.
It’s a great disappointment to most men to find that many women actually want to get to know someone before they have sex. Many of us learned this when we were still teenagers, but the lesson has still never got through to lots of men. I find a man’s understanding of women is often in inverse proportion to the number of tattoos he has.
How interesting. I do like a good tattoo but I guess there is a limit.
Not trying to overly defend tattoo culture but it’s the way for some to express themselves. I got one (bamboo) in Thailand a few months ago and it is addictive. Already design my next one.
On the flip side, I don’t care for boob tattoo. Never seen one that looks remotely good. If there’s an advocacy against it, I’d be involved in major way.
IMO, Keywords to any tattoo is design and LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.
In the late 90’s and early 2000’s I used several dating services. Some pay and some free. I had some pretty bad experiences, and some good ones.
In 2002, I tried Match.com (14 day free trial). I met someone who said I was her last attempt at finding a normal person. (She paid for the service)
We got married 2 1/2 years ago.
It’s possible, but there are some doozies out there! Just gotta weed through them.
Wow Curt what a wonderful story. I think you are right, just like offline you need to weed through the doozies!
My friend Sofi blogs about her online dating misadventures – it’s a great read, though it is unlikely to dispel any apprehension you might feel about online dating.
I just added it to my Google Reader, she is hilarious.
Good luck! I tried online dating off and on throughout the time I lived in Chicago and it really put a dent in my self-esteem for a while.
The only guys who contacted me were high school dropouts working at toll booths in Indiana or creepy men old enough to be my father. Not one to sit around and wait to be contacted, I reached out to numerous guys who I seemed to at least have enough in common with to merit a first date and got barely any responses. It was brutal and no one could pay me enough to ever try it again.
My conclusion is that while loads of perfectly normal quality women use online dating, most men worth meeting are in such high demand that they have no need for it – the only exceptions being if they are new to a city, extremely busy professionals who barely see the light of day or incredibly shy.
Oh no Katie, what a terrible experience. I do have some male friends who are nice, normal guys who are online. I hope it is different in Toronto.
I agree with Rob above — different methods of meeting people = different results. My step-daughter met her husband on match.com and her friend met her husband that way, as well. I don’t have personal online dating experience. When I was single, we met people at bars or at work. 🙂
Well I am getting to the age where most people are married so hitting on random people at bars may not be wise.
My ex I met through online dating. It was good while it lasted – then I left the country. haha But yes – a lot of creeps will continue to harass you – but that is life. Enjoy!
I guess any attention is better than no attention? Yes? No?
Amazing response to that guy and really… i mean… so true!
We have more than a few friends who met their longtime bf/gf online and some are even married. For the successful ones, it was all a numbers game. 2-3 dates a week until you found someone you had chemistry with.
30 days? Sounds like quite the dating adventure!
2-3 a week! Wow I better get started…
I love your response. Too perfect.
I am sure I am not the first person to say it to him.
Oh my – a 30 day challenge, this should be interesting!
I tried online dating years ago before I met my husband (at work). It was an interesting experience, and I too came across several guys “looking for fun”. I’m assuming they found it elsewhere, as I didn’t even bother giving them a response.
Good luck, and if anything, it’ll make for a good series of blog posts!
I have always had an aversion to dating people at work and also within the travel blogging community because it is so small. Maybe it is just because I haven`t met someone I`d be willing to break the rule for.
Can’t say that I blame you! I *never* thought I’d date a guy I worked with.
It just kind of happened. Luckily the upper management/HR were very supportive and thought we were a great match.
Haha, that’s always been my question about prostitution – is it really THAT hard to find someone who’ll sleep with you for free?
For women? No. For men? Yes. However, as an explanation for the small number of male prostitutes who services women instead of gay men – sometimes women want something that their husband is unable or unwilling to give them. I used to live with a transsexual call girl/guy and he made a killing as a “specialist”.
That would have been an interesting person to know.
He was a great roommate and always had fascinating stories. That was certainly an interesting period in my life – I was living in a four bedroom apartment in which I was the only non-nudist living there. Thankfully I had the room directly across from the front door so that I could shuttle friends in without having to worry about them seeing the other inhabitants and their bits. Funny place to live, though, and I have some great stories!
Was it Plenty of Fish?
Man, I have some stories about that one.
You might inspire me to try some paid sites. 😉
It was! Pretty pretty please tell me at least one good story!
Oh goodness. I have been trying the online thing since I moved back to Vegas. I think this town is filled with jerkos who are single for a reason. Hopefully Toronto won’t be the same! I think it also depends on the sites you sign up for … I did Plenty of Fish, and it was disgusting.
All of my luck has been with OkCupid, which has extensive profiles and compatibility testing. Plus, you can search for keywords, which is a bigger deal than you might think.
I haven’t tried online dating yet, but have tons of friends who swear by OkCupid as well. Might be worth a shot?
On top of better searching abilities, it also tends to draw a more alternative crowd which is better suited to people with unusual lifestyles such as those who travel, etc.
You know I hadn`t heard of it until a few people commented, I am going to give it a shot.
When I lived in London friends of mine used online dating sites. (Already this sounds like one of those “my friend” stories). They were all guys, and it was essentially a great way to get laid, and that was it. Good luck ;D
Hmm so you are warning me to be careful?
Well, I don’t have personal experience, and I think it was generally a two way thing – certain sites have / had a bit of a reputation in the UK as being mostly geared towards casual sex, which was what people of both gender signed up for. I think if you find sites that friends recommend as working for them for finding relationships, then you should be fine 🙂
Really the UK must be so different from North America because girls do not need online dating services for sex, do they really need it there?
I don’t know about “need” 🙂 Maybe it works for a certain segment of the population who can’t be bothered with hanging around in bars, or wherever else one goes to find casual sex these days. I’m not exactly down with the kids in these matters 😉
I think I would ask myself honestly if dating was something that I really wanted to do. I think that you can live a very happy life not having a significant other because I don’t think that’s a requirement for being happy. If it’s something that YOU truly want, then I say go for it.
I agree that you don`t have to be with someone to date, but it is something that I am ready for now. But getting married, that can wait.
Excellent response to the creepster. So true. Why do guys not understand that girls can get laid whenever they want? All we have to do is go to a bar and ask for it.
I have never done an online dating site, that’s definitely a lot more taboo where I am from, though I don’ think there is anything wrong with it. I guess I was just never worried about having a boyfriend before.
But hey, you’ve been challenged. Just look at how well my suffering went over in my Dating in Buenos Aires series!
Well I was thinking at the time `what would Rease say?` and then I dialed it back a bit. It wasn`t so bad that he was just looking for sex, it was that he was a dumbass and I try not to have sex with dumbasses as much as possible.
And yes dating online has to be better than in Buenos Aires, at least I can find a guy who a large waist size than me!
I’ve actually had much better luck meeting guys online than off. I had a 4 year relationship with one man I met online, and Marc and I met through OkCupid almost five years ago and we’re still together. The trick is to go after the guys yourself, don’t wait for them to contact you.
Yes someone else told me that as well. I`ll have to get over my own self-conscious issues and just go for it.
Most of the guys who have both the time and wherewithal to contact women on those sites are the ones who are too cocky for their own good. Only once have I ever been contacted first by a guy who turned out to be decent. The only good ones I found were the ones I sought out myself.
I tried online dating a few times, mild success but nothing great. I think after your year and a half of traveling, the average guy might not be someone you’d even want to date. It gives such a different perspective on life that, unfortunately, I think it makes for a smaller dating pool. I’m interested to see how this goes for you.
And yet, Ali, you and Andy have one of the best online dating stories ever! Maybe, Ayngelina, you should be looking at the pool of travel bloggers for your next beau?
I love the travel blogging community but I am not willing to marry into it 🙂
If you’re keen on the idea, go for it!! I have several friends who dated online and are now happily married with a passel of kidlets. 🙂 Like one of your other readers said, it’s just like real life – some good, some bad. I’d love to read about your adventures. 🙂
I am not sure I am into the kidlets but it is good to hear people have success. It is not the traditional way but that doesn`t mean it can`t work.
Brilliant response to the creep! Seriously, do these men know nothing about women at all? Like others above I have friends who have found great love with online dating…others, not so much. I’ve heard to many of the horror stories and been scared off trying it myself but…good luck!!
You know I was actually talking to a guy today about why they have photos with their shirts off in their profile. It`s because they want to see scantily clad women so they just assume women want to see that too. Wrong.
LOL I NEVER write about this stuff for so many reasons. But I have a little post about this very thing ready for Friday. Please support — I am so EH about it. Ugh.
You know I hate writing about my love life, this is really the only time I`ll probably write about dating and only because it will be amusing.
I so feel your pain, when I moved back to Calgary, I got the same thing from my friends. I tried online dating a few times, but I didn’t feel comfortable with it. I would rather meet someone in a more natural way, normally through a hiking club (I know you don’t like hiking) or some other common interest. Best of luck with your 30 day challenge. P.S. I’ve heard that e-Harmony is good for sorting out the creeps.
Haha if I see someone`s profile that they love hiking I am going to steer clear. I don`t need to feel lazy with a loved one!
“Is 30 days enough time to find a boyfriend?” I’m not sure, but I can’t wait to find out. Looking forward to more posts about this!
Thanks John, 30 days may be a bit ambitious but hey there`s no loss with giving it a shot!
I think it’s a great idea and 30 days is plenty. I have heard that “Plenty of Fish” is a good FREE site, I just don’t know if they have it in Canada. I have never done online dating, but I know if something were to ever happen with my current boyfriend I would try it. I am almost thirty and want kids. Sometimes you don’t have time to “find” the perfect man, you have to search for him, 🙂
Good Luck. You will blow them away!
Aww thanks Meg. Even on the bad sites I am sure there are good people. For thirty days I can do a few of them and even if I don`t find someone we can all have a good laugh.
Your friend’s right, it’s going to make for some very fun and interesting blog posts. 😉 I say go with it and make the best of it! A 30-day challenge makes it even better.
Well at least if it`s awful I know there is an end!
I can’t wait to read about these adventures in love! All I have to say is that you should try to say yes as much as possible, because you just never know where it might lead. Some guys are truly creeps though, bleh!
I know, but I have heard so many funny stories of creeps that I will try to keep a positive attitude and know that the dates with creeps just means great stories later on. At least that is what I keep telling myself.
A 30 day challenge is fun and challenging, but at the same time, at the end of 30 days, will you end up settling for someone rather than getting the person you want?
Definitely looking forward to reading your post about it!
Wouldn`t that be horrible! If I can promise you anything I never settle, especially in love. I`ll let you know how it goes.
I could have told you the free sites are crap! You need to consult me on these things 🙂
Not all of them. PoF is terrible, but I’ve had stupendous luck with OkCupid, as have some of my friends.
You know I hadn`t heard of OKCupid until posting this, I may add it to the list.
They’re responsible for some pretty awesome data collection as well, if you like seeing cool things done with statistics.
You’re such a good sport. I love it. Although I didn’t do online dating, my two best girlfriends did. Two words: good luck. The worst that can happen is that some of the weirdos my friends dated moved from Texas to Canada and you’ll have tons of blog material. I can’t wait!
Haha I think there are weirdos everywhere. But you know even when I was dating the regular way I met weirdos anyway.
That’s an interesting experiment!
Well I wanted to make home just as interesting as travel, this will be…interesting.
Even if you don’t find Mr. Right, it’ll definitely give you something to write about!
Yes sometimes being a blogger means I do things I would normally be petrified to do.
As cheesy as it sounds and while I am slow to admit it (you have emboldened me!)- I did this a few years back with eHarmony. Surprisingly, I met a few really nice guys, one of which I probably would have ended up dating were he not moving to Alaska. While I didn’t find Mr. Right, I at least met some pretty decent guys that proved to me some were still out there.
Some of my male friends are doing online dating and they are nice, normal guys. I think it`s mainstream enough now that the stigma of doing it is gone as everyone is finally admitting they have or currently are doing it.
This is interesting, ’cause I am such a booster of new media and pretty much anything prefixed with “online-“, but… honestly, I just can’t bring myself to do this. It has been suggested to me a couple of times, and I’ve seen the success stories in person. But I feel like online communication is hindered in the sense that it’s, in many ways, stilted and loaded with pretense. And meeting people in person is FUN, at least for me. There’s a certain immediacy and excitement to it, and an uncertainty that’s a big part of what makes dating a fun activity and not just a chore you have to go through to meet the right person. In my experience, dating should be more like a game than a job interview– and online dating approximates a recruitment process more than genuine human interaction.
I understand there are other variables at play– what the singles scene looks like where you live, what your life and schedule are like, all that. But to me, there are just too many ways to meet people elsewhere– either by actively seeking them out or by sheer coincidence– to resort to the artifice of online dating.
Anyway, that’s just me.
I so agree with this! The few dates that I did get through online sites always ended up feeling like job interviews. They completely lacked the excitement and anticipation of meeting someone by chance and hitting it off.
I guess I am just a romantic at heart, but I still just kinda believe that love finds you when the time is right and often when you aren’t trying and least expect it.
I don`t think there`s anything wrong with that at all, the rush of meeting someone new is a great feeling.
Jorge I understand where you are coming from. I have never had an issue meeting people, but it is an interesting experiment. I have gotten advice from others not to spend too much time chatting online, that if I see someone interesting to go for drinks immediately because it is easy to be witty online but the chemistry can fall flat in person.
I tried match.com a billion years ago when I was newly single and living in a new city and online dating was really new (2001). My family was horrified when I told them, and my friends told me I should lie about where I met these men if anyone asked.
I met some nice men, some weird men, some “can I have a pair of your panties” men, and even got one 4-month dysfunctional relationship out of it. I didn’t have a blog back then, but I certainly didn’t keep the funny/tragic/horrific stories to myself! (It really is your duty to your married friends to provide them with great dating stories.)
Then I met Warren at work, and he made fun of all my dating exploits online and eventually asked me to lunch. The rest is history.
So you may or may not find what you are looking for online, but it may directly lead to what you do want.
Good luck!
There was definitely a stigma to online dating years back, maybe it is just because I am in the city but everyone does it here. In fact my friend who urged me to get into it sent me an email today asking for dinner because apparently I was matched with him. Hilarious.
I tried it a couple of times. I was “matched” with guys who were: old enough to be my grandpa [clearly I didn’t realize that you’re supposed to set parameters]; one who’s photo looked like it was from 1967; one who looked like a child molester; and a couple of people I already knew and no way would I ever go out with [awkward].
I think your 30 day experiment would be awesome and I can’t wait to hear about it! 🙂
That is hilarious, I have definitely set parameters. Although I have decided to loosen up a bit on the height, I know it is crazy as I am only 5 feet tall but I don’t date short guys, but I have decided to give it a shot – at least for 30 days.
I’ve never done online dating, but I know two couples who met online and got married (and I’m close with the one, who were in separate countries when they started dating, and they are fabulous together). I also did a profile of five couples who met online for one of my freelance clients. I’m not saying you necessarily want to tie the knot — just wanted to pass on the success stories I know.
It is always good to hear, especially when the comments section is a bit frightening, that people have done it with success.
That’d be right! You get back home, and everyone wants you settled down!!!!
Go for it, if it is what you truly want, I think it’s a great resource for meeting people, and I wish you all the best XO P.S If you come to Cambodia instead we are travelling with a very lovely, single thirty something guy… 😉 he he
How tall is he? Just kidding 🙂
Hi Ayngelina,
I know you’ve heard plenty of success stories, but just want you to know it can happen to travel bloggers, too. In fact, with all our travelling, I think it makes perfect sense.
When Ben and I met on eHarmony, he was in Korea and I was in Miami! We have such different lives that I don’t think we ever would have crossed paths the old fashioned way. But now we’re married and travelling the world together.
My advice would be to look beyond Toronto – after all, we’re international people. I can’t say my friends who have stayed within city limits have ever had luck. And be open to more than 30 days.
Moderate your expectations, date people you might not have otherwise, and take it as a chance to learn about what really works for you while meeting some interesting people.
I have another friend who spent thousands dating several times a week, only to walk into the wrong bar one night and meet the love of her life. But she credits her online dating with giving her the tools to make it work.
Good luck and have fun!
I did not know you guys met on eHarmony. You make a good point though, I am pretty mobile so I could look beyond my own city.
I did a 30-day challenge of my own in 2006 when I lived in NYC. I went on 10 dates and met no one good whatsoever, but I got some great blog posts out of it… so there’s always that.
The most recent message I got on OkCupid a few days ago was, “Do you have a hot body to go with that hot face?” Happy Valentine’s Day to me…
Good luck =)
I’ll be interested to hear how it works out for you. I have friends that met through online dating and are happily married now. 🙂
Online dating sounds awful but makes for some good stories.
Hopefully after you find Mr. Right, you can look back and laugh at all the wackos you encountered along the way.
Hey Ayngelina — I thought you might enjoy this site the Alberta government came up with to raise of awareness of…well, you’ll see…
Awww! They all aren’t creeps. Yes there are A LOT of creeps on the site, I assume you’re using the same one everyone does lol. But I’ve met a lot of REALLY great guys on there and had some fantastic dates, but I haven’t felt a full on connection with anyone.
Maybe try somewhere you have to pay for like match.com ??
You may be able to find a boyfriend in 30 days, but I wouldn’t be trying for it. These things should happen naturally when the time is right.
Put yourself out there, but don’t try and force something that isn’t there, I’ve seen a lot of shitty relationships from doing that.
Weirdest comment I’ve received from a guy (yes, it was Plenty of Fish):
‘Hello you sound nice and look great. Why are you single? What are you like as a partner to live with? Are you a big loo user in the mornings or would you risk a work poo? xxx’
Needless to say, I didn’t waste my time replying.
At least it’s free though. Made the mistake of paying for eHarmony and it matched me with a bunch of guys I didn’t fancy (although we had a lot in common). It was really frustrating to use too.
As for the comments about online dating in the UK, I think you get a mix of people on any site. You’ve just got to recognise the signs.
Topless man who’s clearly taken a photo of himself in the mirror with his iPhone = AVOID!
dating is such insanity– exciting yet scary and totally throws you into new situations and huge ups (and downs sometimes). I love your response to that guy. I know some people who had great success with eharmony. Best of luck and I look forward to seeing what happens 🙂
Ha great response. I’d love to read all about your 30-day online dating experiment 🙂 Go for it!
Great answer…and so true
Please create at least one profile that is intentionally ridiculous (and share the URL here, for fun.)
A few years ago I would’ve said – “Don’t do it!” But these days, people do meet each other online even more often than they do in real life. I think that there are good people out there; you just have to be lucky. After all, you’re out there, too. Crossing my fingers for you. You’re so courageous!
I can’t wait for the follow up post!
Ooh, online dating. I always met people who had these wonderful success stories. I met a woman at a pub one night who introduced me to her husband — “A doctor! A doctor” she squealed — and told me how she had met him online and how I needed to go, pronto. About three years ago, I hit a rough patch in my dating life, and my friend, a busy lawyer, and I, an unbusy English instructor — went on a free website. The results made me want to curl up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth. Some of the e-mails were terrifying: “I would pretend to be your best friend just so I could wait until you were sad one day, and jump on you” or the everso-charming “I like your legs. I’d like them better if they would be wrapped around me”. I only went on two dates and after a month, deleted my profile. And then you know, went on a worldwide trip a few years later and met the man who is now my boyfriend on the second day of my trip. I hope the online dating foray goes well for you! Then you’ll be another one of those success stories and I’ll wonder why the weirdest things happen to me when I try things that work for everyone else.
30 days is NOT enough!!! Don’t do it! 90, minimum. I’m a huge proponent of online dating. But you must give it time. 🙂
My advice- go for it. Thirty days may or may not be enough time. Who knows? I think it all depends on luck. If you are lucky you will meet a fellow right off the bat who is interesting, nice, cute all those things. If not, no loss. If you are lonely, you may have to lower your standards. If you are just doing it as a lark, keep your standards high. I didn’t get married until I was forty one. It comes when it comes, if at all. There is no shame in being single either, especially if you have a lot of friends. Good luck!
Ugh. While I like hearing my friends online dating tales, part of me is happy I met Scott right before Match.com et al became a “thing.” Sounds so stressful!
I can’t wait to hear how this goes. I’m in the same boat with my friends trying to set me up and recommending online dating. Problem is the pool here in Costa Rica is very very small. I think I know all the eligibles here already. blah.
I know people who have great relationships from online dating, but not in 30 days!! You need more time!!!
Online dating can definitely work, but it also offers that off the wall element. I met and dated a good guy for over a year from an online site. I hope you have a great experience.
You’ll be fine. Just be yourself – ruthlessly. That is the whole point.
I tried OkCupid when I moved countries a few years ago (although the name gives me the creeps) And imagine, there was someone there with just my odd combination of interests and ambitions. We just passed the two year mark together.
My sister joined a dating website for 30 days and blogged about her experience. Although she didn’t find her soulmate, she didn’t regret the decision to try it out. Go for it!
I do like blogs that write about the ups and downs of online dating sites. There are some weirdos on that thing. But I know everyone says this but I’ve found that love can come to you when you’re least expecting or wanting it. Whenever I’ve gone searching, it’s never happened but as soon as I stop, it’s fallen into my lap. Don’t try and force it.
You are a brave soul to try online dating!
If you want a good site to read about online dating and other hilarity … check out sexytypewriter.com. She’s a freelance writer who lives in Toronto and she has one of my fav blogs around! 🙂
Attractive section of content. The premier dating and chat site in any location. You can chat with and date a soulmate and love! Have great dates by talking directly via chat.
Hi there,
I love your article and definitely think you can find a boyfriend in 30 days as long as you are at the right place at the right time. In fact, I have planned a singles event on November 13th and would love for you to be there. Feel free to email me and I can provide you with more details.
Best,
Neha
Neha Thanks so much for the invitation but that post is several years old. But good luck with the event!
Liked the fact you tried out the online dating stuff.
Dating sites can be great, but it also has its down sides, as some people fake their character. Steps by dating apps are making it easier to meet new people. I guess sales of roses go up with new hook-ups.